Towards Wholeness: recognizes that there are three equally important, interpenetrating components to living a joyful life: Body, Mind, and Spirit. Living a more holistic life is one that strives to empower and strengthen all three components in equal measure, as far as possible. Emotional wholeness: living a life defined by courage, compassion, and connection, all of which is made possible by vulnerability.
Mental Health: the condition of being sound mentally and emotionally that is characterized by the absence of mental illness and by adequate adjustment especially as reflected in feeling comfortable about oneself, positive feelings about others, and the ability to meet the demands of daily life (Merriam-Webster).
Recognizing Imbalances: are you aware of any imbalances? What is getting in the way of addressing these? How much is fear playing a part?
Love: is our “YES” to mutually belonging to one another. We help each other, and we can ask for help in carrying our crosses.
Towards Shame Resilience (From the research of Dr. Brene Brown, MSSW, PhD:
- “Shame is the intensely painful feeling that I am unworthy of love and belonging.”
o Shame-based fear of being ordinary
o Comparison: healthy competition can be beneficial, but is there constant overt or covert comparing and ranking?
o Difference between guilt (I did something bad) and shame (I am bad).
o Difference between fitting in and belonging:
- Belonging is being accepted for you. Fitting in is being accepted for being like everyone else.
- I get to be me if I belong. I have to be like you to fit in.
o Perfectionism: a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgement, and blame.
o How men and women experience shame (from Daring Greatly)
- Shame resilient: is an intentional way to live the moments in our lives that are grounded in self-compassion, empathy, and vulnerability.
o Self-Compassion: Dr. Kristin Neff, PhD
- Self-kindness: being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail or feel inadequate.
- Common humanity: recognition that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience (solidarity!)
- Mindfulness: Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated.
o Empathy: the most powerful tool of compassion. It is an emotional skill that allows us to respond to others in a meaningful, caring way. It is the ability to understand what someone is experiencing and to reflect back that understanding
o Vulnerability: the catalyst for courage, compassion, and connection. It is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences. Requires boundaries. “You have to earn the right to bear my vulnerability.”
o “The story I’m making up in my head is…” : is a great tool to begin sharing our shame with a trusted person.